Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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