Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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