Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
