life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
