ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Naked Twister starts at high noon
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
