Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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