Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
