Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
