Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Swine flu. Run for my life!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I love you. Go after that dick
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
