oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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