My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
