matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
