So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
