i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
