I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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