There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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