It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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