Yo dont text me then not text me
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
