grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
