dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
