Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Randomize
