There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
In America we eat man semen.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Still dying that you shit outside
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
