I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
