saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
