Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
