i think my mom watched the whole time
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
