I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
