no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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