I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
