All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
