Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
