I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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