I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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