i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
