I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
