Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
