i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize