You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
May the power of my ass compel you!!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
