Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
