Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize