chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
