Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
