My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
