She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
