Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
