Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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