Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
