Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
