It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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