think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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