she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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