this beer tastes like vomit already
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
