I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
