Don't make out with my wife yet
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
