ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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