Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
