everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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