I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
