I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
