I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
