stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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