Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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