Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
