I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
