Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
