There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
