Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
