I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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