New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize