I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
