a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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