I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
