I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
