Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
