I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
