dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
