They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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