There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
