No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
