dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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