btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
