i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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