so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
