he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize