isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
