So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
