everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
