Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
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