are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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