I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
