Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize