I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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