can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
