so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
