Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
