I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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